Welcome to my World

I will admit I’ve been having some trouble being inspired to write. So I thought I would write about some personal stuff and how my week has been going.

I was feeling a bit weird at the beginning of the week as I saw someone I used to have feelings for who I have not seen in a while. In the past, my feelings for him have always been quite intense so it was weird to see him. I decided to put myself out there and asked him to go out for a drink at the end of the week. So I’ve had him on the brain.

It has not helped that so far this week I have been very in my head as I started my job gardening. It’s actually been quite enjoyable so far. Last year I had a very rough time landscaping and swore I would never go back but I could not pass up the money I can make in the landscaping/gardening business this year.

Working all day doing repetitive tasks all days gives me a lot of time to get lost in my head. And one of my favourite things to do (not the healthiest thing I do) is imagine different possible scenarios of how my evening, weekend, etc. will go.

For that reason, I am getting very stressed about this upcoming drink. This is possible because many scenarios I’m imagining are not good ones.  Losing myself in these kinds of thoughts even just for a few minutes can be tough.

I am lucky that I am working with a very good friend this year so chatting with her gives me some time away from my own thoughts. Spending time with her makes me feel really good about my decision to return home for the summer. So so far I have not been wistfully dreaming about a completely different summer.

But my mind just can not help itself from daydreaming about boys.

I guess all I can do at this point is say wish me luck, maybe both with the gardening and the boy.