Putting Myself First

I recently stopped being friends with someone I was very close with. She was someone I loved being around, I thought understood me and someone I thought would be in my life for a very long time.  Those that know me know I can be very hot-headed and she is the same. Due to neither of us wanting to back down a fight that started over something small escalated very quickly.

I will not say I did nothing wrong, I did. We both said mean things when we’re angry.   However, this was a fight about how I have been handling my romantic life this year. She seems to think because I don’t act the same way she does, the way I handle myself is wrong.

The next day after the fight I was ready to discuss civilly how we felt and apologize for the things I said, she was not. Instead, she brought my mental health into it.  She told me the way I have been asking I have caused my anxiety.

I have struggled with anxiety for years but it scared me to accept help and talk about it openly. This year I have started to do just that and it has really made a difference. People have been open and understanding.   For that reason, I  was shocked to hear a friend say something so insulting and uninformed.

If I m going to manage my anxiety I cannot have someone who can not empathize with my struggles. She was a very good friend of mine but at this point, I think the friendship would be holding me back.

Learning from this experience I will not apologize for putting myself first. So that I can be the best version of myself I need to be surrounded by friends who support me, and I am very lucky to have so many that do.

I know I am likely going to make many more mistakes in the next few years. I hope that they will be small mistakes I can laugh at when I am older but I still have so much to learn. I am in my early 20’s is that not what these years are for? I need to make these mistakes so that I can learn and grow, I need to live my life and if people do not agree with the way I am doing that, it sucks, but I can not have them in my life.

It really sucks to see a friendship end, but I have to put myself first.

 

 

 

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2 thoughts on “Putting Myself First

  1. jamieeddie

    Very good post, You have to put YOU before anyone else and if your friends can’t see that or support you for being you then they aren’t your true friends, it’s sad but that’s life but hats off to you for blogging 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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