Welcome to my World

I recently stopped being friends with someone I was very close with. She was someone I loved being around, I thought understood me and someone I thought would be in my life for a very long time.  Those that know me know I can be very hot-headed and she is the same. Due to neither of us wanting to back down a fight that started over something small escalated very quickly.

I will not say I did nothing wrong, I did. We both said mean things when we’re angry.   However, this was a fight about how I have been handling my romantic life this year. She seems to think because I don’t act the same way she does, the way I handle myself is wrong.

The next day after the fight I was ready to discuss civilly how we felt and apologize for the things I said, she was not. Instead, she brought my mental health into it.  She told me the way I have been asking I have caused my anxiety.

I have struggled with anxiety for years but it scared me to accept help and talk about it openly. This year I have started to do just that and it has really made a difference. People have been open and understanding.   For that reason, I  was shocked to hear a friend say something so insulting and uninformed.

If I m going to manage my anxiety I cannot have someone who can not empathize with my struggles. She was a very good friend of mine but at this point, I think the friendship would be holding me back.

Learning from this experience I will not apologize for putting myself first. So that I can be the best version of myself I need to be surrounded by friends who support me, and I am very lucky to have so many that do.

I know I am likely going to make many more mistakes in the next few years. I hope that they will be small mistakes I can laugh at when I am older but I still have so much to learn. I am in my early 20’s is that not what these years are for? I need to make these mistakes so that I can learn and grow, I need to live my life and if people do not agree with the way I am doing that, it sucks, but I can not have them in my life.

It really sucks to see a friendship end, but I have to put myself first.